I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
