New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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