She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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