I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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