If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize