you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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