As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
