i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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