turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
