ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
