I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The beer is more important than you right now.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
