the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
