i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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