well I can't set my house on fire every night
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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