i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
3 2 1 whiskey
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
