it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize