16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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