Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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