Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
