i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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