Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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