It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am midnight drunk by noon
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
