I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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