That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
