I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I believe in your delicious
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
