id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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