so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
