If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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