you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
