I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
