So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
