bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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