i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
