so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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