awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
