im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
