You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
