I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
