Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
