Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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