I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
