Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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