peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
