Small penises have feelings too.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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