i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
