the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize