i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
