I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I intend to get homeless drunk
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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