I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
