Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
