Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
