Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
