Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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