cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
