She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize