Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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