There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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