i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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