just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
