I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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