So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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