His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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