So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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