I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
