ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
