So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
