Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
