Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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