how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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