Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
