You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
