Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
