Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
