I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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