I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
