Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
