Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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