His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
