he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
