I'm jealous of your bromance
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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