He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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