someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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