My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
