Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
