I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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