Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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